Friday, November 07, 2008

How to celebrate Hallowe'en (in a country that doesn't)

Five Rules to Help You Look (Not Too) Ridiculous

Rule 5: Stay indoors. It's not like you wanted to wake up earlier than usual to don your lame costume. Your company forced you to pull something together. You probably did it at the last minute anyways, so why wear it proudly? Get to work as quickly as possible and try to keep your Joker makeup (so artfully done, a la Heath Ledger) from attracting too much attention. This is what umbrellas are for.


Rule 4: Respect the last century of history and don't dress up as anything related to Japanese culture. No sushi rolls, geishas or sumo wrestlers. If you must do it, refer to Rule 5. Costumes that are safe bets: naughty schoolgirl, famous actor, a gangster, agent, or anything cute. Orange and black is always a good 'costume'.


Rule 3: If you're still worried about making the wrong impression, wear a mask and show up to the wrong class. If you conceal your voice, you can continue to get paid for dressing up and acting a fool. Heck, since it's the last day of classes, why don't you try to get your students to buy you lunch. That is, if they're willing to leave the building with you ... Refer to Rule 5.

Rule 2: Foreigner bars are the only 'outdoor' exception to Rule 5. Now, remember that other foreigners have probably been wearing their costume since 6am. Their makeup has worn off. So has their excitement. Don't expect anyone else to dress up. If you do, make sure to share your costume. With everyone. This way, other people can make fun of both you and the rediculous notion that anyone can genuinely celebrate this kind of holiday abroad, while relieving you of something hot and polyester.



and, of course, Rule 1: You're allowed to be offensive, as long as you're offending minorities that are already heavily stereotyped.

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